Most of the adult recommendations in my post on anxiety can be adapted for children so please read that first. But in particular:
The Calm app has a section particularly for kids with tailored sleep stories, meditations, music soundscapes to relax them, and movement exercises to build confidence and shift energy.
Bach flower remedies can work very well with children and young adults (not babies), especially when they are fearful of change. If relying on this, I’d combine this with the Calm app.
Affirmations apps are great especially for teenagers but you could adapt it for younger children by doing them daily – perhaps with a note on the bathroom mirror.
The 5 senses meditation is a great quick meditation you can teach anyone of any age to calm down, whether it’s a young child or an emotional teenager in distress. Similarly square breathing or breathing in for count of 4 and out for count of 5 is not age limited!
The gratitude journal can be adapted for kids. There is also an excellent journal that is aimed at improving kids’ resilience and self-esteem which is aimed at kids, tweens and teens and might get them looking at things in context. I think it’s pretty good. It’s available online to buy: www.biglifejournal.com
And they might enjoy Jo’s shamanic fire ceremony – you could try the meditation yourself first and then see if you think you child might like it. It can be good for children to visualise the fears disappearing. She has another meditation where you visualise the fears shooting up in the sky and exploding like a firework which children might like. I can send links.
Other things which can be useful for all children:
Have conversations with your child about how they are and if there is stuff bothering them and ideally if you can make this a daily ritual, then it won’t be so weird if something comes up that needs to be discussed. I like discussing the best and worst part of our day as part of the bedtime routine when there are no distractions. Or at meal times. Or other questions might be: If you could start over today, would you do anything differently? What did you do today that you were most proud of? What was the biggest problem you had today? Tell them (in a moderated, appropriate way) about small challenges that upset you or made you angry and how you tackled them so you can be their role model.
Regularly reminding them that your love is not conditional on them achieving or behaving in a certain way. You may not like a particular behaviour but you always will love them to the moon and back!
Trying to resist giving well meant but misdirected support – like the natural urge to always say before a challenge ‘You will be amazing/You are better than everyone else/We know you can do it/ Of course you are good at it/We were so proud of you’. All of those statements are well meant but can lead to children believing your love is conditional and they are ashamed if they do not perform. Better to ask if they were proud of themselves, did they recognise they tried their very best, ask them if they can see how they have improved with their efforts?
Always show them love and respect and if you don’t, apologise for it so they learn from that too.
Not invalidating their feelings. I.e. avoid ‘Oh don’t be upset. There’s no need to be upset about that when you have x, y, z.’
Building resilience – this Australian website is great: https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/social-emotional-development/resilience-in-teens (9-18) and https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/resilience-how-to-build-it-in-children-3-8-years. Top tips:
o Not trying to fix the problem for them but asking how they feel. You can brainstorm how they might face similar problems in the future with them though.
o Not avoiding or preventing problems for your child. Overcoming small challenges helps build resilience for the bigger ones.
o Helping your child to identify strong emotions and that it is OK and good to notice them when they arise.
o Building your child’s self-compassion so they aren’t too hard on themselves when they fail. So they can feel disappointed, sure, but also proud of themselves that they tried their best. You can help this grow by spending time doing things they love, showing kindness and compromise in the family, like letting them choose pudding one night or having a break from a daily chore, letting them know that they are ok to notice and feel emotions but emotions and thoughts aren’t who they are and they pass. https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/health-daily-care/mental-health/self-compassion-young-children
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